Cathy and I worked up the basic idea together and got a bunch of help from the EV community. Cathy put in a ton of work selecting components, soliciting feedback, iterating the design, and designing the circuit board. Our solution works without drawing any power from the car, it just uses a tiny bit of power from the incoming line voltage during charging.
We just got the first set of boards back, put one together, and tested it. It works beautifully, performing even better than I had hoped. The response time from when the switch on the connector is pressed until the pilot signal is cut is about 2.2 milliseconds. When hooked up during a charge, there's no perceptible delay between when the J1772 latch is pressed and when the Roadster stops charging.
Even more geeky information is available on Cathy's page of cool details.
In other news, the cable vendor that said they could produce the replacement inlet assembly cable for us took six weeks of excuses and delays to finally say they don't want to do it. So, we're back to the drawing board on that.